The Memories We Hold

My absolute favourite photo of my dad is the two of us together on his bike; me strapped in behind, possibly three or four years old. I remember we would ride around the neighbourhood, dropping in to visit my nan and just having a good time. Reflecting on those memories, I now know that the reason I rode with Dad on his bike was because we only had the one family car. The car was always breaking down and Mum needed it to get to and from work. So, those special memories with my dad were actually born out of necessity in our daily lives. That doesn’t cheapen the memory for me, but it does make me think about the memories I am creating for my children now.

As in all families, ours comes with our own unique circumstances. My husband is completing his postgraduate studies and we are living away from our hometown so have very limited support from family. While I work part-time, the kids go to day care. We currently live in a very small space, with the idea that we will upgrade when we both start more consistent employment. This is all fine, we chose this life, but it does mean that there are quite a few stresses that we deal with on a daily basis. My husband’s studies are demanding, and he is away from home, or absent mentally, quite a lot. This is hard for everyone in our family. As for me, I deal with the constant mum-guilt of juggling work and quality time with the kids. Living in a small space is also extremely stressful as our home always looks untidy and there is no space for quiet. When COVID hit, the lockdowns meant more time cooped up inside and ‘working from home’ was an impossible challenge.

But our family circumstances have created unique routines and opportunities for our children, which will eventually form their childhood memories. Having access to the university after hours, means the kids can watch ‘movies’ on the big screen with their dad. There is something very special about having a whole lecture theatre to themselves to watch their favourite superheroes on the screen. At Christmas time, we travel to our hometown to be with extended family. Without planning it this way, this has now become our annual trip and the kids love it. The grandparents’ house is spacious, full of toys and it has the all-time favourite⸺ a swimming pool. Last Christmas, my eldest son spent so much time in that pool that he immediately moved up a level when he returned to his swimming lessons. 

Living in a cramped space also means that we change our way of living. We spend lots of time outside; bike riding, picnicking, and playing at the park. We try not to accumulate too many ‘things’ and take opportunities to declutter on a very regular basis. I hope that these habits will help our children appreciate a life without reliance on material objects. Our living situation also means that we are amongst a diverse group of neighbours. Again, this is helping our children to show respect to others in their everyday lives, such as remembering to be quiet when walking past their doors and sharing our space in the communal areas.



Like most modern kids, our children have many scheduled activities too. The weeks are crammed full of swimming lessons, sports, art classes, and play dates. Of course, these activities will help to form their memories and shape the people they become, but this reflection has helped me to realise that it is many of those unplanned habits and routines that will ‘stick’ as childhood memories. We can only try to make the most positive and warm memories for our children, within the scope of our own family circumstances. Moving forward, I cannot help but reflect on that photo with my dad and wonder, what will be the most cherished memory that my children hold of me?